A Man Will Never Leave A Woman Who … What?

The vicissitudes of web mastering: People have been searching here for the phrase “a man will never leave a woman who.” This seems to be coming from publishing the blog post “Who are the man women will never leave.” But the whole thing troubles me. The truth is, at first brush I could only speculate about what kind of man a woman would never leave, although I did write a post about it, and I certainly don’t know what kind of woman a man never leaves. Still …

Chaste, Domestic, Submissive?

When I think about A Man Will Never Leave A Woman Who… I think of the old biblical admonition, that wives (and girlfriends?) be chaste, domestic, and submissive. The old idea was you have to be faithful and circumspect; you have to take care of the woman’s sphere, dare I say it, your home, your family, and you don’t have to submit per se but you can’t try to boss him around. I admit that’s all rather vague.

I ask my son-in-law Bob and he has a different view. He says “men leave women if they’re crazy.” It turns out he knew a guy who left his wife because of her mental health problems. A guy in our hiking group, Steve, told me he was divorcing his wife for having Alzheimer’s. So maybe there’s something there. It does seem a little heartless.

Another Angle

But there’s another angle. A lot of the blogs I’ve read on this are about women who are at the start of a relationship. There’s even a slight hint that the reason some are asking the question is because they’re in … OMG … direct competition with a man’s wife. The woman he will never leave .. is the competition. A Man Will Never Leave A Woman Who … he’s married to? Obvious no, and yet, it does make it more difficult.

Before Getting Started, Make Sure He’s Single

Oooff. I think it is relevant you have to start with a man that’s available. Apparently, there’s a huge group of married men trying (and succeeding) to date. They have a lot of excuses. Their wives just don’t understand them. But come on. If they’re not single, you’re not giving yourself a decent chance.

Even if They’re Single, They’ve Got to Be Interested

If they’re not interested in you, seriously interested, it’s a bad idea to get started.

I remember how on Match, I came to the conclusion that if they don’t “like” me first I don’t even bother to investigate. That wasn’t because I was against the idea of liking men first. It was because liking them first was such a failure. I can’t remember a single one that I liked first that I actually went on a date with.

So I guess if he’s really interested at the outset and you do your job you should be off to a good start. I read various blog posts about the question of what kind of woman a man would never leave and I discovered that some people say things like … well like me they don’t know. They say you should be independent they say you should not be needy. I chuckled. I think being needy is something that happens because you went out with a guy who isn’t really interested in you.

So, He’s Single and …

I repeat. You must find a guy who’s really interested in you. Go back to step one. And then I think in my mind about the women in the family. Whose significant other left? The only one I can think of is one of my mother’s friends who we used to call Aunt Jan.

Men left her again and again. Aunt Jan tended to start up with guys whose interest in her was conditional, impaired. She once had a married boyfriend. He was Egyptian. He said she could come back to Egypt and be his second wife. No, that didn’t actually work. One guy she met through the mail while he was in San Quentin prison. The marriage that finally stuck that was her fourth one. That man (he worked at the police department) stopped and helped her when her car was broken down by the side of the road. During a snow storm. Perhaps it was divine providence. Perhaps God looked down and said “I’m going to have to help this lady, she isn’t going to make a good choice if I give her a choice.”

So maybe this is obnoxious but in the midst of articles about whether he’ll leave his wife and why he won’t leave his wife and how long you should know a guy before you sleep with him I find myself wanting to say that:

To be a woman a man will never leave you have to:

• be a person of character.
• be fully emotionally available
• take care of your side of the relationship. Do your share, mentally and physically.
• take care of yourself. Your mind and your body. Don’t go crazy and don’t let yourself fall apart.
• Start with someone who’s sincerely interested in you, and
• Start with someone who’s available.

That’s all I know. Maybe that’s not much. However, it’s the best I’ve got right now. I’ll link a few articles with their relevant points below just in case you want a second opinion.

Related:

Should You Leave or Should You Stay? Psychology Today. “A survey showed that men are happy if their marriage is 50 percent okay. Women are disappointed if it isn’t 80 percent okay.”

3 Reasons Why A Married Man Will Never Leave His Wife. Your Tango. “If you’re a woman who’s currently having an affair with a married man, this going to be a virtual slap in the face — and it’s one you need.”

That seems harsh to me. The truth is, I’ve been thinking about writing a post about this very question … but it requires more thought, and a better answer, perhaps, than the above. More on this topic later.