A few months back I reflected on this question: is being smart an advantage for dating? Rob Henderson has said that it is:
I’m basically smart, aren’t you? You’re reading for fun, that makes me think that you’re above average in intelligence. Less intelligent people are watching videos. But is it possible: Being smart an advantage for dating?
What About if You’re a Woman Though?
Well, this is *maybe* good news. But did he break this out for women? And what about if you’re really smart? Henderson says the IQ of about 119 is considered a sweet spot for attractiveness. Of course, I don’t know what my IQ is. Most people don’t. Still, I am suspicious of whether intelligence is an asset for dating. And I’m afraid my IQ is above 119. My GRE’s were over 90th and that was just for people going to grad school.
Honestly, I think I’ve seen a little of the very opposite thing, intelligence being a disadvantage, for women. You know, the whole intelligent women aren’t as attractive deal. When I was young, I fully assimilated this and learned to … act helpless. Drop things, don’t know about things, listen, listen, listen, and in particular.
Do not admit if you realize he’s missed the exit.
I actually think that this construct comes from men’s desire to lead, and their worry that, if they have a really smart woman around, she won’t want to follow them.
I have proven this wrong, though. Although a really smart woman, I’ve followed men into a number of … not the sharpest decisions … even when I knew the ideas weren’t that good! So smart women *can* be led … sometimes in the wrong direction.
So I think I should get a pass on being intelligent. Trying to get some clarity, I now refer to Dr. Google.
A Quick Overview of Relevant Articles:
My friends at Psychology Today back me up: “The results suggest yes, extraordinary intelligence may hurt your attractiveness, at least to a degree (Gignac et al., 2018). Attraction — be it sexual, short-term attraction or long-term partner interest — tended to increase steeply from the 1st to the 50th percentile, and then it increased again to the 75th percentile but began to peak at the 90th percentile.”
Conversely, also in Psychology Today, having a high level of educational attainment can make you more attractive on a dating app. It seems that, while being rich and good looking are thought of as being enough, they aren’t. You also have to be a good communicator, and those with high educational qualifications are perceived as more able in this regard. “This doesn’t mean you need to go out and get a Ph.D. to be a successful online dater … ” the report notes. Although, with me it would definitely help. Provided that you’re not a narcissist …
And in Scientific American, research on parakeets shows that females preferred males who can solve problems. I would say, however, that in humans, this might suggest getting a less intelligent mate. Most of the hyper-intellectuals I know, include Bob, my doctor son in law, cannot repair anything around the house, and if you get a flat tire in the snow, someone like my son Andrew, an auto mechanic, is the person you need to know. Perhaps the most salient point of the parakeet study is that women are fairly utilitarian. It doesn’t really answer the question of whether being a smart *woman* is a problem, either.
Finally, here we are: from Dating Advice.com, 7 things a smart woman can do to attract a date. “If you are a successful, independent, strong, and intelligent woman looking for love and wondering how to attract a date without dumbing yourself down….” read the article. Most of which concerns being yourself, getting centered, (yoga anyone) and having realistic expectations.
My advice? Well … I’m goning to double down and say it can be tricky to be a smart woman. My recommendations are, say less, wear chic clothes, and keep your eyes moving. Try to start with someone who’s already interested. There are, apparently, individuals called sapiosexuals who find super high intellect attractive. Where to find such people and how many of them are men? Well, if I knew that, I wouldn’t be blogging right now, I’d be going to Tahiti with That Guy.
So let’s just keep following our paths. Let’s hope that being smart *is* an advantage for dating. Next year in Tahiti, anyone?
