I have to admit I am incompletely satisfied with my last post on the topic on what women want in a man. Long, discursive, and ultimately unsatisfying to me, I wondered if I had skirted the issue. Maybe what women want is not the issue. Maybe one needs to look at what women expect or need. We might consider: Men Women Will Never Leave. And why.
See Below: a man will never leave a woman who …
Earlier this week, I was explaining to a friend that we have three of them in my family, those men women will never leave, actually, including my brother, my son, and my cousin. What do these men whose wives will never leave have in common?
Handsome is as Handsome Does
First of all, it’s worth saying, these guys are tall and handsome. I don’t know if this is operative, but it might be. That said, there are plenty of guys who were abandoned who were tall and handsome. To be brutally honest my father was such a one. So it can’t just be that.
Wife’s Needs Are Important
Each one of these men women will never leave places his wife’s needs very high. He will, whether he wants to or not, drop what he’s doing if his wife is in need. One memory I have is of my son, in the midst of me needing his help during a crisis, stopped me and said “Wait, (his wife) is calling.” He then picked up the phone and reassured her that he was on his way back.
Leo would never have picked up a call like that.
Likewise, my brother sets limits on his life based on what his wife thinks should be done. He doesn’t have house guests if she doesn’t want them. He follows a schedule they agree on.
Live and Let Live
Next, these guys let their wives live the lives the women want. They do this in several ways. They are good workers and good earners. Rarely or never unemployed or out of work. They don’t spend excessively, they are sober with money. And they don’t believe they should be telling adult women how to live. Some such wives choose to stay at home with children, decorate, and go to lunch. Others wish to have a job. Either way, these husbands allow their wives control over their own activities and directions. For example “My wife wants to stay home and take care of our kids, and that’s okay” not “my wife is staying home!”
They are respectable in the outside world. These are men who are known in their place of business and their families as stand-up guys who get the job done. Their wives appreciate the security of knowing that their husband is respected. This is balm to a woman’s safety-seeking soul. Not only does *she* feel safe around him, but the opinion of her community confirms that she is right. He is a solid citizen. She can relax.
Active Alcoholism, No Thank You. Narcissism, No.
It’s probably no surprise that these guys do not have an addiction or a personality disorder. That kind of thing wears women out!
They work hard and they stay out of trouble. None of these guys is what I would call a party animal. Anymore. They like to hang out with friends and go to events, sure, but you will not find them passed out on a beach or living room floor surrounded by red solo cups. It’s not that they’ve never been to such events, they just know that now that they’re married that stuff has to stop.
They take care of themselves, dress nicely, exercise, get their hair cut, and consider their health, not just for themselves, but for their spouse.
If they have them, they really love their children and sacrifice for the children’s well being.
I go over this list. I wonder if that covers it.
Descriptors of men women will never leave
- Places wife’s needs very high.
- Lets wife live the life she wants.
- Is respectable in the outside world. (Nicolas Forero talks about young guys who sit there and play video games. Of course no woman wants such a guy. It’s not practical, it’s not remunerative, it’s not respectable, it’s a “don’t walk, run” situation. Kind of like if you saw a guy passed out under a tree with a bottle of wine.)
- Does not have an addiction or a personality disorder.
- Takes care of themself
- Loves their children and will sacrifice for them.
When I look at the men whose wives have “runned off,” around here, I notice the husbands were missing not one but several of these descriptors. Coincidence? I think not.
This reflection answers some questions for me.
And then we have to do the opposite:
a man will never leave a woman who…
Who will a man never leave?
Well … okay. Men actually don’t leave woman as often as women leave men. The men who do leave, tend to do so because they found a new girlfriend who is more appealing than their original, or because their wife or girlfriend is “crazy.” I wrote a blog about “a man will never leave a woman who” here.
So, this is what to do to make your relationship bombproof?
- You’ve got to take care of yourself and be emotionally and physically available.
- It really helps if you’re beautiful, but whatever you do, don’t let yourself fall apart from what you were when he met you. That builds real resentment.
- You’ve got to take him seriously.
- Numerous sources state that men require respect and admiration more than anything else.
- You have to let him lead. Men really resent it if you try to control them. They just don’t tolerate it! At least, no man worth his salt will.
- You can’t be crazy or be a “B.” This won’t usually actually make him leave, but it will open up the possibilities for other women.
- If you’re married to someone as rich as, say, Jeff Bezos, it’s gonna be tough. Men with that kind of power and prestige attract a lot of wandering women, and even if the new girl only lasts a couple years, it’s still going to be it for your relationship. Maybe better not to start with a millionaire. Even if you’re super beautiful and religious and have his kids, men like that … think Mel Gibson … they’re just flight risks. Jerry Hall kept Mick Jagger interested for 20 years, that was a miracle.
- Maribel Morgan, who wrote The Total Woman, claimed “your husband literally craves your body.” Ignore this at your peril.
- Stay in your lane! Don’t marry out of your class, up or down!
- Be the queen of his heart. His Soul Mate.
- Cook his favorite food and listen to him.
- I think he’ll stay.
And that is my picture: of a man will never leave a woman who.