I have things in my closet that I should have thrown away years ago. I tell myself I’m a borderline packrat because I have thrown away a lot of things. And I am fairly organized. But depending on my mood, I may look into my closet on a given day and say “come on. You need to get rid of some of this stuff.”

What Stuff Should I Probably Get Rid Of?

Well– how about socks whose mate is missing, which I should stop looking for? Then how about old hand knit socks which have holes in the sole? I should get rid of them but I could darn them. Later.

Then there are hiking socks that I washed in the washing machine and now they’re a little too tight. I’d feel bad to throw them away. They were $25!  I should give them to Goodwill, and they could be worn by someone with very small feet.  I can still get them on, too, it just takes a minute. They sit in my drawer, as if eventually they’re going to grow.

I got sock-curious just now and counted my socks. 27 pairs plus 11 singletons. This would last me almost a month without washing, more if I paired up the unmated ones. But I’d have to find outfits that coordinate with all the funny animal socks – sloths, horses, llamas, turtles – that I got as gifts from students’ parents over the years.

Just One Glove

Then there’s a pink leather glove that my husband brought me years ago from Italy. I know the other one is around here somewhere…

Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weenie …

And a bathing suit I got on vacation in Cancun that I probably wouldn’t look good in any more but admitting that I will never look good in a bikini anymore …  I don’t want to admit that.

How about a sarong I bought at Cocoa Beach the first time I went to Florida? Even though it barely goes around me, it has a wonderful batik pattern and I’m pretty sure I can find some way to use it eventually. Could it be a table cloth for a small table?

Arts and Crafts and Bags of Bags

Toilet paper tubes I am saving because I might need them for my classroom.. Never mind that we never finish the whole curriculum and certainly don’t do art. Shoe boxes. I might need them to mail something. A massive bag of bags. I might need a bag to take something somewhere and I need to have just the right one.

I also have another bag of “reusable” bags. That’s rather ironic because apparently they’re all reusable according to me.

The Eternal Puffer Vests

Two puffer vests that I bought when we first moved to Colorado because I thought that was Colorado style – but when I put them on I think I look like Mork from Ork. If you remember Robin Williams back in the 70’s. Na-nu na-nu! When I first got the puffers I wore them to work. I wouldn’t do that now but I still keep them. The 70’s and puffer vests are united in my mind and I was in middle school back then. I smile to remember it.

And the Fleece Onesie

I also have a fleece onesie that I got from my son who was in the Navy. Well actually he gave it to his dad who never wore it. I didn’t want to throw it out, it was a memento of my son’s military service. I just look at it and think of the sailors out on the ocean, steaming along on a destroyer headed for the Persian Gulf.

I actually visited his ship and he showed me the lounge where they would sit after work, in easy chairs, talking, resting. In the onesies. And if you want to know the truth, it’s very comfortable and on a certain type of day when I feel really overwhelmed and unwilling to do anything, I put it on. My “leave me alone” outfit. I don’t think I’ll ever give that up either.

Lucky Outfits for in Case I Ever Need to Get Another Job

I’ve been keeping an orange sleeveless dress in which I got three jobs over the years. The problem is the matching bolero jacket got a stain on it and I threw that away. Now the dress is useless for job interviews because although it looks great with a jacket it just looks unfinished without it. But I can’t let go of it because I got the jobs.

Although one of the jobs was a disaster. A job I would have been better off if I’d never heard about. A job that will live in infamy. So if I subtract that bad job from the two good jobs I got with the dress, it’s like I only got one job with the dress, right?

That would make the old beaded watercolor smock shirt I got at a garage sale in Texas more lucky, because I’ve gotten two jobs in that one.

I haven’t thrown that out either.

The truth is, good teachers are hired regardless of whether they know how to dress properly. I think I could have gotten most of my jobs wearing any of my clothes except t-shirts.

Still, I’m superstitious.  Like characters in stories by Amy Tan, I live by the idea that good luck can leave if you don’t watch your p’s and q’s and keep things in the right order. Keep your lucky clothing, that’s my method.

Prepared for the Return of COVID

And then there’s a dozen cloth face masks which I hand sewed during the COVID days. Superstition again. I don’t like the masks, unless you compare them to the ones that came out of a package, but I don’t throw them away because of Murphy’s Law. What if the day after I throw them away COVID comes back? Then I won’t just have to deal with the quarantine. I’ll have to sew more masks.

Things I Wore When My Children Were Little Kids

My blue bib snow overalls that I’ve had since I was a young mother, when we bought them at the Goodwill in Texas – I’m not sure they will still go on. But I don’t get rid of them because what if I need to go to the snow? I don’t want to spend a whole bunch of money on new bib overalls…

Then I remember: my situation has changed. I now have a newer pair of snow pants, the modern ones, that go just to your waist, which I wear when I go skiing. So … why are the overalls still necessary? The new ones are way better. I guess I finally got caught. There’s no reason that they’re in there except nostalgia.

Twenty T-Shirts

Now I have to tell you I gave a lot of t-shirts away to Goodwill this year. Twenty is a reduction. Some of them are from work. Some of them are from travel. And then there in the bottom of the drawer is the Beta Bonfire shirt. I got this from my son who went to the University of Arkansas. He was in a fraternity, the Betas, and this was an old  t-shirt he gave me.

The Beta Bonfire T-Shirt

Maybe I was visiting him and I needed to change my shirt.  But whatever the reason, now I can’t let go of it. I can’t let go of the moment that he gave it to me, a reversal of all the things I did for him over the years. It was a validation of my effort to be his mother. I came and I saw and I got the T-shirt.

They will find me with the Beta Bonfire shirt in the dresser drawer when I’m in my old age home. I will never relinquish it. I don’t care how guilty you all make me feel for keeping it! The Beta Bonfire shirt is mine. It is a signature memento.

Why We Keep Old Things in Our Closet, Garage, Basement, Attic …

And I reflect that perhaps the core reason of why we keep these things is because they are validations of the life we’ve lived. Why else would you hear about old people who when they die their whole house is full? I understand this now. I understand.

Yet I don’t want to go full packrat.

Full Packrat

I don’t watch a lot of TV, but at this point, I take a moment and go to YouTube, watch the first five minutes of Hoarders.

Oh my God. Okay. That was shocking. I guess I shouldn’t throw terms like “packrat” around so casually. The woman on Hoarders had dozens of cupcakes stored in her living room, a moldy loaf of bread behind the coach, her sink stacked two feet high with used paper plates, a second fridge in the hallway cutting off access to the bedrooms, and the whole place was about 12 to 18 inches deep in stuff, most of which was garbage.

Back to Reality

Okay. Back to reality. My closet is a little overstuffed. But I need to be grateful. I only have one fridge and it’s in the kitchen. This keeping of old things is not truly out of line.

That said, this trip through my closet has given me some perspective. It’s true, we must be judicious in our grasping after the past. There are things you can give away or throw away, and if you can, you probably should. I will try to stay on top of it.

The Past Has its Reasons, Which Reason Does Not Understand

That said, realistically, I’m glad I still have most of this stuff. It’s meaningful and it’s not hurting anything. I have my reasons.

The past is a big reason. As William Faulkner said,  “The past is never dead; it’s not even past.”

But it’s not the only reason. While taking the photos for this article, I found the second pink leather glove. It was in the bottom of the drawer under the socks. You see, sometimes, there’s a reason to save  things.

Perhaps that’s what my overstuffed closet is about. At any rate, for the moment, the past isn’t past. It’s in my closet.