To begin with: all right, I admit it. I was turning 60 and felt depressed. This is not something you like to talk about: depression or turning 60. After all, the trigger for this discouragement, the turning 60, it’s pretty unchangeable. Never mind all that talk about age is just a number. Age may be just a number but it is a number that goes up not down.
As I got up to go to work the week of my birthday, as I came home in the afternoon, as I had panic attacks, I had to admit I felt sad. Lost. Like “is this all there is?” At first, I wasn’t sure what was causing the emotions. There must be something really wrong! And then I turned and looked at the big 6-0. I had to acknowledge. It was an issue. I wasn’t happy about this.
Duchess of YOLO
Back in the day, a friend called me the Duchess of YOLO. However, that doesn’t seem as funny as it used to. Yolo, which is the name of the county in California where I grew up, could also stand for You Only Live Once, a favorite meme for young people. These days, “young people” includes more and more humans and “kids” have now aged into their 30’s.
At 60, I’ve run out of things I can be doing to be considered young, unless you count standing next to my mother. What happened? I used to be a young person … until I turned 40. That was a crisis. I was like “This turning 40 thing is not okay. My whole personality, my whole schtick, is based on being young.” My dad laughed at the time. But I didn’t think it was funny. Dad, of course, is gone now and I miss him every day. For his wisdom and humor, especially. But also for being so much older than me and still okay.
Books for turning 60
Karma by Boy George. The pop star talks about his life from the beginning until now and demonstrates that 60 can be good. He shows up in photos and on the TV show I’m a celebrity with a lot of spirit and happiness. He has wisdom to offer to the rest of us. My review of the book is here.
Build the Life you Want – Oprah Winfrey and Arthur C. Brooks present a how-to book on making yourself happier and more well adjusted. It’s a life improvement model based on family, friendship, work, and faith. Though not really focused on the aging process, it seems aimed toward the older set. I imagine few young people would be likely to take advice of this nature. Young people, it seems to me, are more on a trajectory-based happiness model, as in “if I just get this I will be happy.” Build the Life you Want is one of the books focusing on what is now being called happiness studies.
Another happiness study book, The Good Life, by Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz, concerns the Harvard Men’s Study, a longitudinal research project that began in the 1930s. The study has followed men and their families from age 14 for the rest of their lives. The book includes quite a bit of information about getting older, including a list of typical questions that you might ask upon turning 60:.
- Relationship Quality: “Are my relationships supportive?
- Physical Maintenance: “Am I moving enough every day to maintain my health?”
- Purpose & Meaning: “Am I living a life that feels meaningful?”
- Habit Audit: “Am I dropping bad habits to make room for good ones?
If those questions seem interesting you might enjoy the whole book. It provides a solid reflection for aging people. In particular, it weighs in on what tends to happen if you make certain types of choices.
Poems about Aging
There are times when only a poem will do. Happily, there are many good poems on the subject of getting older. Here is a sampling:
- On Aging by Maya Angelou. She wants to remind people to be grateful for their later years … and tell others who are not yet there not to feel sorry for the aged.
- Do not go gentle into that good night by Dylan Thomas. The poem is dedicated to Thomas’ father. “Do not go gentle into that good night, rage, rage against the dying of the light.” Well said.
- Ulysses by Alfred Lord Tennyson is a favorite from which the now-famous phrase “this is no country for old men” comes, The poem is notable for discussing the restlessness and vision of the aged Ulysses, who, rather than dwelling on the past, is planning new adventures.
- Rabbi Ben Ezra by Robert Barrett Browning admonishes: “Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be … ” Browning gives us a positive view of the life of the aged in this complicated poem where he argues that, although old age is often painful and difficult, nevertheless everything we do is preserved in our immortal soul. Therefore, all of life matters.
Look who’s turning 60
My lack of attention to music and Hollywood means that a lot of the actors and artists who are turning 60 are unknown to me. Then again, since we’re all Gen-Xers, perhaps there aren’t that many famous people my age. The baby boomers may have stolen all the thunder. I did find some leading lights among my age cohort, and these names at least ring a bell:
- Halle Barre — the actress and singer
- Adam Sandler — the famed comic actor whose movie, Waterboy, was constantly quoted by my kids.
- Mike Tyson — Heavyweight champ whose winning ways were made controversial because of his repeatedly reported abuse of women
- Janet Jackson — Michael Jackson’s sister, the songstress who bared her breast at the Superbowl.
- Salma Hayek — supermodel and actress
- Cindy Crawford — supermodel and actress
- Dav Pilkey — Author of the Captain Underpants and Dog Man children’s graphic novel series. Perhaps for me the most impactful of the list since I’m an elementary teacher and these books are everywhere in classrooms.
- Keiffer Sutherland — famous when I was in college for being an 80’s “brat pack” actor along with Emilio Estevez and Molly Ringwald, now apparently best known for playing Jack Bauer on the Fox series “24.”
- Jodi Piccoult — Tremendously popular author of romantic novels for women, her name is synonymous with “women’s fiction.” I know of her because my friends read her books, and every time I go in the library or supermarket, there they are. They’re topical and political and got banned in the Florida book banning crisis of 2023.
- Jimmy Wales: The internet entrepreneur who co-founded Wikipedia, revolutionizing how the world accesses knowledge. The hero of the list, according to me.
- Carolyn Bertozzi, American chemist who won the Nobel Prize in 2022. Pretty cool.
Songs turning 60 in 2026
If my birth year has not got a huge number of first order celebrities, the popular songs that are turning 60 this year are quite something. As they say of wine, 1966 was a very good year. The top 15 songs of 1966 were:
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- “Good Vibrations” – The Beach Boys
- “Paint It Black” – The Rolling Stones
- “Paperback Writer” – The Beatles
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“Reach Out I’ll Be There” – Four Tops
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“When a Man Loves a Woman” – Percy Sledge
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“Last Train to Clarksville” – The Monkees
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“California Dreamin'” – The Mamas & The Papas
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“You Can’t Hurry Love” – The Supremes
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“Summer in the City” – The Lovin’ Spoonful
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“These Boots Are Made For Walkin'” – Nancy Sinatra
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“Wild Thing” – The Troggs
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“Good Lovin'” – The Young Rascals
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“Monday, Monday” – The Mamas & The Papas
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“Sunny” – Bobby Hebb
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“Cherish” – The Association
These might take you back, or they might not, if you are 60. After all, I was a baby when these came out. Nevertheless, of this list, there are none I don’t recognize and most of them I could sing the lyrics.
How to not be afraid of aging
How to not be afraid of aging is a hard question. I would start by saying you might want to read How to stop worrying and start living. In this book one thing Dale Carnegie tells you is that the first step to stopping worrying is to accept the worst. So. We have to accept our mortality. We have lived perhaps 3/4 of our lives now, at 60. Time is limited.
Once you get past accepting that, you should feel better. Wow, that first step is a big one! But next. You focus on today, just like you should have been doing all along. What, you weren’t focused on today? It’s time to start focusing. Not just today, but right now. Look where your hands are. Are you doing something that is the right thing? If not, why?
Why are We Here?
Think of it this way. What you’re doing right now, at the end of the day, if you made a chart of all the things you did, and made two columns, one that says “the person I want to be,” and the other “not the person I want to be” which column would you be putting this thing you just did in? You’re reading this article, so obviously, right now the thing you’re doing is something you’ll be glad you did. I hope.
I’ve heard it said that as you’re still here alive on earth, you have something to do. The idea that I’m too old, it doesn’t matter, is wrong. If you were too old, you’d be dead. That’s rather dark but there’s also some comfort in it. And even the young people who have not really had to deal with this yet have the same reality. They just are pushing it back into the distance in their minds. Now is the time at 60 to accept this. Our time is limited but we still have time. So what is really important? Get moving on finding out and addressing it. that mi, or
What is significant about turning 60?
You might think of your 60’s as a good time. Especially if you’ve still got pretty decent health and can still do a lot of stuff. Many at 60 are still working. Many at 60 have family and the ability to travel. For me the day to day is not that bad, except my job is pretty difficult, but beyond that, it’s mostly good.
Lying in my bed at night the other day, fulminating to myself about some minor-appearing illness that might, somehow, at least in my fevered mind actually be IT, the end (it wasn’t) I realized that there was no other way forward than to accept the eventuality of death.
We can all pretend that we’re immortal (for more on that theme see my earlier post, Lying to Others is the Exception). But now, the childishness of pretending immortality strikes me as worse than immature. It’s inconsiderate. Other people will still be here after you’re gone and it’s your job to behave in a way that doesn’t make their path harder. I’m not just talking about making a will. I’m talking about being a better person than you used to be. That’s my goal at this point.
Taking the Role of the Elder Statesman
I remember a friend’s mom had a plaque up in her kitchen when I was 20:
“Avenge yourself!
Live long enough to be a problem for your children!”
This is funny but it’s also a thing people do. I have a friend whose 80-plus mother has made taking care of her a full time job for two family members. And the mom complains relentlessly about … everything. How did this happen? Not taking care of her health or mind, combined with bad luck. I won’t go into details. But it was avoidable.
Using your age against other people is not the plan. Let’s not be that person. Being over 60 means taking on the role of elder statesman. The one who says out loud the things that are too risky for young people to say, or too painful. But saying things for the good of people. To help them. Not to act superior.
An Example from the Illiad
In the Illiad, one of the Greek chieftains is called Nestor, and he is a gerontos, an old man. When Nestor tells people things, the things he says are right. He has wisdom and serves as the author’s, Homer’s, mouthpiece, lest readers and listeners of the epic miss ideas that they should not. Nestor alone can tell the high king, Agamemnon, that’s he’s ruining everyone’s war. Or Achilles that he is a spoiled brat. This is because he speaks carefully, and his wisdom is respected.
Turning 60, there’s the opportunity to be a little like Nestor, to speak the truths that other people don’t want to acknowledge. You can also work on relationships that when you were young you might have “blown off.” To listen to people in distress, organize social events, volunteer for a good cause. And knowing how to be your best self and accepting that you’re mortal is not just for you, it’s an example to others. Strive for family peace now. Forget world domination.
When I think about these things I can do, I’m not so depressed or scared. When I think about these things, I believe that my role in the world is changing, but I still have a role, and doing the right thing is still the way to be happy.
