The memories of fun of the summer are fading in the rear view mirror and some trees have now turned yellow. And Creepy Walk in the Woods is just around the corner.
A Vague Malaise
Other people love fall. They like to drink Starbucks pumpkin lattes and they like to dress up in costumes for Halloween and they like to go back to school maybe for them it’s not a job it’s a chance to meet people and learn things.
I drive past a sign for the corn maze and contemplate taking my grandchildren there. The moon is still visible as I leave for work at 6:30 am, hanging in the southwest sky, a half shape suggesting distance and eternity and I feel a vague unease.
I don’t feel ready for weeks when frost comes and kills any garden plants that we forgot to clear out and then it gets really cold after that.
The snow is coming and I still haven’t cleared the space for my car in the garage. There’s furniture and a transmission and a broken clothes washer and some garbage Andrew didn’t pick up in there… I rate the garage a 2-day situation. Must tell Andrew that we need to set aside a weekend and get it done.
As I drive to work thoughts of the Dinosaur camping trip and of the unworried days of the summer come back to me and I watch a crowd of cross country runners and remember being a cross country runner in high school myself.
Fall is the time when I think about the car covered with six inches of snow.
In Fall I Remember my Dad
My father’s birthday was yesterday. He would have been 85.
I remember how Dad was the one I could always call, at any crisis, and he’d be there with some advice or encouragement. When he died, I thought “Well, that’s it, I’m alone.” Even though I was still married. I was alone because Dad was gone and in my world he was the one who helped you. Maybe just with some encouragement. Or a simple truth you needed to see at the time.
I remember him a lot I think a lot about how he said “stay on the sunny side of the street.”
Time for A Creepy Walk in the Woods
It’s been hard to do that this year. The number of people I like in my immediate circle has dwindled. There’s Andrew and Tiara and Bob and Emma and little Bob. And the babies. A couple of good friends and my next door neighbors.
I struggle this week to find the positives I need to meditate on. Bob calls me up and tells me about what the grandchildren are doing and finally I say to him “Do you want to go to Creepy Walk in the Woods?” Creepy Walk is a park and trail with buildings that in October gets turned into an outdoor haunted house. It’s such a Colorado thing. I find it very scary. Scary enough that their website says no bringing dogs or children. In our case, Tiara won’t go, or the children, and my dogs would hate it anyway. I like to do this as a way of staying “in the game,” doing hard stuff, facing a challenge. Bob has his own reasons for wanting to attend.
“Ohhhh,” says Bob. “Yeahhhh….”
Bob Goes Undercover …
He’s thinking of his favorite thing to do at Creepy Walk. Which is to put on his black ski mask and try to scare either other visitors or the creepy ghoul actors themselves, sneaking up behind them when they’re timidly inching through the giant spider web, and jumping in their face and and making weird animal sounds like this: “Rrrurrrt.”
This is my favorite view of Bob: running back down the trail to where I am standing (pretending I don’t know him) grinning behind a black ski mask, hissing under his breath, “I made him jump!”
The leaves are turning, and the the air is growing colder. The threat of weeks of gray freezing days with ice in the gutters is so real. But it all fades away when I imagine Bob wearing a ski mask sneaking up behind someone and jumping out and saying “Rurreh!”
He is an anesthesiologist by day, a man whose job is to keep people from dying, but he goes cukoo delulu at Creepy Walk. Maybe it’s because he’s showing another side of himself for Fall. Fall is not just a time of plenty, of change, of gathering coats, and buying woolen things, but also a time to take stock and try a different perspective for a bit.
Fall Is A Good Time to Take Personal Inventory
It’s traditional for people to do resolutions and inventories on New Years, but for a lot of personal matters, the fact is that New Years is too late. For my money, the right time to take account of how life is going is fall. Fall is the time for planning for the new spring and the new year. One should make an annual financial plan for 2024 *before* New Years, before you spend money in December. Decide what to do about your education now, not after the applications are due (November, in many cases.) Consider moving (in my case) far away, maybe as far as Alaska, or moving in with Tiara and Bob. There are so many options. And Fall is the time to think about them, not in the dead of winter when your perspective is clouded by cold.
I can do this, let go of the beautiful summer hikes and the travels and the freedom of not working. Plan for the future, look at that positive horizon and still dream.
My Dad would be proud of me for turning Fall around.
Bob’s comment would probably be something along the lines of … “Rrrurro!”
