Going on a Dating App …

Last week I said I would write this week about online dating or, as it’s called in the circles I run in, “going on the app.” Soon after I posted last week’s update, I realized that I had, as usual, bitten off more than I could reasonably chew. At least in one week.

It has been almost a year since Angelo’s graduation now, when I told Victor, ” “It’s so unfair! Mom and Tiara have husbands and I don’t even have someone to go to dinner with! ” And it has taken me this long to get to the point of taking action.

I decided that I would begin the process of going on the app by looking at dating sites and choosing pictures. This would mean reseaching what you need to know. I would face my fears.

I started by looking at which apps I could go on, and found this youtube video. It’s about dating over 50, but I don’t know that anything said here applies less to younger people. The dating guru and life coach, Tina Jesso, offers an overview of dating apps. The following factoids are salient:

There are two types of apps, the ones that select potential dates for you (match.com and OK cupid) and those you have to swipe through a million people (everyone else). My response? What do you do if both of those seem intimating?

There are two types of memberships, the ones that are free and the ones that cost money. Paid memberships start at $9 or so a month. Buy the paid membership, it’s worth it. And buy one month at a time, not a year. That way, after taking a month off (to try a different app) you go back to the top of the pile as a new membership.

So What Apps Are Out There for Someone Like Me … Or You?

Some apps like elite singles have you fill out a questionnaire. This is a good idea if you want a “serious” relationship. (Do I want a serious relationship? Well, I definitely don’t want a casual one, so … )

If you pay the money you get access to all the features and all the profiles. Don’t go and do this halfway. Save that for gardening and shopping and stuff of that nature.

You can find dating sites for a lot of different interests. Such as women who like guys with beards. Or Christian Mingle.com. But what about if you’re into philosophy? I got halfway through this list at Big Think before I realized it was a joke … this happened when I saw the site called :”St.AugustineTryst.com: “Christianity Can Wait.”

There’s the question of Bumble.com. That’s a site where the girls choose the guys. Do I want to be the gatekeeper on who can contact me? Generally, yes, I do. But do I want to be seen as the type of woman who wants to be the gatekeeper? No. Now I am on the horns of a dilemma. Which is more important? What I want, or how I want to be perceived? The old me would have no problem: Image is Everything. But the new me is suspicious that this type of thinking is what caused my problematic romantic history.

Brother, Can You Spare the Time?

And then there’s this: the dating guru in the YouTube video says that most singles who are on the app spend a lot of time … wait for it … they spend an average of 10 hours a week. My immediate response is shock. I don’t have time for all the stuff I’m already doing and I can’t spend ten hours a week on a dating app. Is there some way to whittle down the potential choices?

The answer, of course, is yes, but as always with things of this nature, the situation is caused not by a need for greater technology but a need for greater self awareness and introspection.

What Most People Want is a Dating App that Soon They Won’t Need Anymore

I went on all the websites today and shied away from them all. The last I looked at was Hinge.com. This was the one I heard about from my hairdresser. But last I heard, she had met a man she was serious about … through her sister. She went old school. Hinge is now unhinged on her phone But then they say, on the website, Hinge is the app designed to be deleted. Of course they were hoping she’d find someone on the app.

Which app will I use? I’m unsure. The fact is, I’ve got a slight problem now in that my cell phone crashed today — the screen cracked badly at the corner and now there’s lines all over it and a circular blot like a black ink stain in the corner and I’m not sure I can get my pictures off.. In which case I’ll need new ones. And that will take time. But for now, the front runners are Hinge.com, Bumble, EliteSingles.com, and Match.com. I haven’t made my mind up. About anything. And that’s okay for now. Next week I promise I’ll have an account on something. Stay tuned.